Afterwards...

I had lunch with a dear friend a little bit ago and it has got me thinking...about this journey post treatment...the part of the journey that is often ignored or downplayed but is just as, if not more, important than the journey through diagnosis and treatment.

When a tough path of the journey is over, there is almost an expectation that someone will be as they were before...that they will jump back into the role they fulfilled before...mainly, perhaps, dare I say, the person puts this guilty expectation on themselves...and, perhaps, feels it more so from others? Make sense?

Finding my place after treatment has been interesting.

I write this because I have dropped off writing here much...for extraneous reasons...and yet, in my experience, post treatment is when the most help is needed...giving my emotional and mental self the chance to catch up and make sense of what has happened...giving myself a chance to get my life together by discovering my new "normal," dealing with what I have been through, figuring out where I am going, who I am now, what my experiences all mean to me now..having someone who is willing to listen to my story and my experiences and what I have thought and felt...dealing with the emotions, thoughts, fears and feelings in a real way. Acknowledging my emotions, thoughts, fears and feelings with no comparison to other people who are perceived as worse off...or thinking how things could have been different or worse for me...but really understanding what I felt and experienced and being aware of it and dealing with it and using it to help me figure out where to go from here.

When treatment ends, the tough physical journey is over and the steps to healing begin there...but the emotional and mental journey continues...maybe even becomes a little more magnified.

Life has changed. Priorities are different. I am the same person...but many things about me have changed...who I was before, I still have pieces of her in me, but I am different...in a good way, I believe.

Discovering who I am now...it has been challenging because of my own expectations and the perceived expectations from others...to be who I was...to be what I was...to be as I was before...to think how I did before...to continue life as before...but I can never go back there and live that way...not for any horrible reason...but for a great reason in my opinion...I can't go back because that person has been transformed.

I have learned hard lessons...gained some life experience...and have found a better way of living...in some ways, it is a blessing of what I have been through...it has been a HARD journey, I don't want to knock it, but I would never give it up. The perspective I have gained has been worth it...I am proud of who I have become and how I see life and where my priorities are now. It may not be logical to some who have not walked my path, but I know there are people out there who have walked a similar path as me and they get it.

Here is some advice from the coach in me: When your path in life becomes hard and rocky and icky...deal with it...deal with what you think, feel, fear and everything else in between...there are great lessons in suffering...lessons that can transform you. It may be hard and painful and you may want to quit...but there is no fulfillment in quitting...meaningful life awaits you at the finish line...you can get to the finish line.

"Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain."

Hugs and Love,
Liz

:)